Pre Christmas thoughts & her flower

Good Morning to you. I hope this blog post finds you well rested and content. I strive not to over stress or develop anxiety over a simple holiday. Christmas has meaning, deep seeded from my Mother and her love for it.  I have shared here before, that the last few years have been a slow and steady progression of grieving and healing. I could barely muster up any heart or desire to “celebrate”  our Lord Jesus. Part of me was angry, part of me so sad. I remember the first Christmas Eve, I didn’t host. My mom had passed October, the holidays crashed down so fast, it is still a blur. What was clear in my heart was, both my parents were deceased. I truly felt orphaned for the first time in my entire existence. I yearned for a stand in maternal figure. I allowed myself to grieve. I went to my brother’s for dinner and it was simple and easy. I knew it was ok not to feel good.  It was quite normal to feel numb to it all. You definitely go thru the motions, I also knew, the day would not last forever. I had grown accustomed to Christmases without your loved ones. After my father died,  missing them around your table, reminiscing about them, sort of  became a tradition. I desperately tried to keep them alive , I spoke about them so my children would  remember them easily. I wanted their memories and traditions , to remain intact. I know I wanted to preserve those moments forever. The truth is, those memories from our childhood and early adulthood are no longer apart of our Christmas. Slowly, we learned to adapt and adjust to change.  My brother doesn’t speak much about our parents. He doesn’t stand and make a big speech or say a blessing or a prayer before dinner. He doesn’t read a Christmas letter to his children or wife. He doesn’t carry any of those traditions my parents began . My oldest brother Thomas,  opens his home and his heart to everyone to come and enjoy, relax and have a beautiful meal with his family. He has a beautiful  Granddaughter, who is 3 now. She has been our light and hope each and every year since her birth.  She is our families future.

As you well know, this Year is a very special one. My Granddaughter, will arrive on New Years Eve.  This Christmas will be different. Our lives will be enriched and forever changed. I have dreamt about this, about her, about my children having their own… My entire life. Here she comes <3.  My heart is beating faster as I type.  My excitement is stirring. Our little angel Anna Lisa is ready to be born. Praise Jesus, may she be healthy and loved and blessed every day of her life.  I daydream about this baby, I can’t wait to meet, and hold and love eternally.  Mostly, I think of my Mom. How I wish you were next to me to share this together.  Please watch over us and pray for them.

So, as all of us  run around and prep & get ready to celebrate his birth, we eat, drink and be “merry” and enjoy a few well deserved days together, I am truly blessed to have a family to share it with.  The birth of our Savior, the twinkling lights and glitter and sparkle. The children squealing with delight, the presents wrapped and piled High, my overspending, indulging my kids, reflecting on this past year, & the beginning of a new journey for Lisa. The decision to change my health, to quit cigs, to rid myself of 4 shots and 10 pills a day, all of that unhealthy lifestyle and daily pain and suffering is gone. I am a new person, in many ways. I have goals, and I really feel I can achieve them slowly. I finally found a career, a job that I love, that gives me personal satisfaction and a good income. I am thankful each and every day for all that I have and continue to work towards being. This year, I cleaned out my closets, nooks and crannies and donated and gave to local charities. I found families in need and contributed gifts and food  & many of my Christmas decorations & ornaments, so they too could have a warm and special Christmas. I am prepping and wrapping and stuffing and cooking and baking and singing Christmas tunes. I found Christmas again, my heart feels you everyday. I feel my Mom swirling around me often.  I won’t deny, I still have my moments. Ya know, I watch a show, a movie, a commercial and there you are. The tears, they flow easily for you. I suppose they always will, because I love & adore you both so…. Mom, in memory of you, and many beautiful days of your flowers around the house. I was determined to replica your Amaryllis blooms. I bought a couple and finally! I got them to bloom! Just in time for Christmas, every minute I stare at them, I think I can feel you near me, close to me. I miss every thing about you, especially @ Christmas.  I always picture Heaven having a really awesome Christmas. Totally your style Mom, over the top and very sparkly. I bet you are the hostess, sharing your love and cream puffs with everyone.  Blessings & love to you all ~ leelee

Moms Fav Christmas Flower

Moms Fav Christmas Flower

Christmas miracles and countdown continues!

Thomas Kinkade, winter scene 003I

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! Indeed it is, and I am seriously seeking a small useful Elf type person to get me ready! I love this time of year, for the last decade or so, the term Merry was hard to fathom. I mean, I love being with my family, and sharing a good meal and presents, but I was grieving and trying to heal from the devastation of losing both my parents. I’ve said this before….my Mother, was “Christmas” in every sense of the word. She prepared for weeks, her décor was over the top Italian, but we loved it. Our Christmas Eve Fish feast was quite the production too. I now know, what I miss the most, is her. Her in her slippers scuffling up the stairs with platters and trays and over stuffed bowls of her delicious cuisine. She baked for months, all Daddy’s favorites, and her Grandmother’s desserts. All from scratch. She didn’t have a “kitchen aide” for 50 years, she hand mixed her dough. I  remember her making 25 lbs of sweet butter cookies. I swear my siblings & I lived on Butter Cookies for a month! She would start early in the morning and create and prepare till late in the evening. She did it for US, she did it for tradition, purely out of love.  Her happiness was to only see us smile, and love each other and most of all that we ALL be together. That is what I miss, and continue to deal with each year.  The miracle in all of it is, my children remember every moment of our Christmas Eve’s and desperately want to keep the traditions and family together. They miss their Grandparents, and we all feel the loss each holiday season. For many years, the light was dim. It was dark and painful without them next to us.  The last 5 years, I wept to my Mom, how could I manage without her? How can I find the light, her Christmas again? One year, my mother gave  me a Thomas Kinkade porcelain lighted Christmas tree. It was exquisite and detailed. It revolves and is lit within, with cut out stars that reflect all over the room. The painter of Light he was noted for…my Mother was my light and I hers, especially in our darkest moments. It is so beautiful and I love his work, I was truly touched. It symbolized so much for us, her deep love of family & Christmas trees! I cherish it, and think of her every time I look at it.  I feel her spirit and love around me lately. Guiding me again, comforting me in her gentle ways. I need her kindness and support now, and wish my parents could be here, next to me. The other day,  I was browsing at a consignment shop. Over the past year I have donated a thousand items of larger sized clothing, it feels liberating, but I also need lots of new clothing (boo hoo nawt really!) so I decided to try and consign some of it. I haven’t had much success in re selling is what it is. A few months ago I found a little piece of heaven at this shop.  I had just scored a beautiful Victorian bench/Setee  for our bedroom. It is something I dreamed of having since I was a child. It’s romantic and royal and vintage…He also has a small art gallery there now and I was browsing thru and I saw a small Kinkade painting I admired. The owner and I were chatting and he was willing to sell me the painting for a very good price. I loved the painting a lot, yet it was a small 5X7 not exactly what I had envisioned, but he piqued my interest for sure! I didn’t buy it, I wanted to think more on it.  I’m glad I waited…a miracle was coming but at the time, I didn’t know it.

I believe in the ability to channel energies and love from the other side. I have had some incredible experiences with connecting with my parents energy and love. I was out running errands and collecting Snowmen as usual! Ok!!! So,  I adopted a few yesterday and the week before, they were cold and homeless and they “spoke” to me! It’s my favorite hobby over the last 10 years or does my soul some good #snowmanobsessed!

Back to the miracle! LOL!

I was heading back to the consignment shop, they called and asked me to pick up merchandise I had consigned there, they were revamping the store…I was abit sad. I had a ton of new clothing I was hoping to sell, so I can in turn, buy more clothes! I was feeling defeated, and had not sold anything to date there, I was ready to cash in and donate it to someone who could really use it.  I walk in and see the owner Charles is there, the consignment/thrift  shop is new to the Smithtown area, & he relocated there a couple of months ago. He is a gentle soul, with a good eye for art and collecting and has some interesting vintage/ antique furniture going on.  I told him, I was feeling sad, that his employee called me to come collect my merchandise and I had just dropped off a large amount of new clothing last week too! I was feeling “meh”…bummed. He said, you don’t have to take it back! Just take some older items from 2 months ago, you could leave the rest. I was bummed! I had spent hours getting it all there and nothing sold! I told him, I would rather donate it, I just can’t bring it back home! He said…I feel bad, how can I make this right for you? I glance down at the floor and there sits a Thomas Kinkade  a fabulous piece, a  winter wonderland scene, large 16×20 painting, framed in gold. (Adrenaline Rises People)!  I smile and we laugh abit, I said, hmmm well this  one is Lovely! and he said…I saw you pull in, I thought you might like it!  Here’s the happy ending. He pulls a shopping cart with all my merchandise piled high.  It would fill  up my entire car if I schlep that stuff back home! & My hubby will Kill Me! I’m thinking…brain is processing…oh boy… So I coyly suggest….How about we trade! You keep ALL my merchandise (Over $500 +easy in new retail clothing) plus all kinds of other goodies, and I keep a few pieces of clothes and the painting.  He haggles for a few bucks on some other clothing I found and he smiles and agrees, noting, you really DO love to negotiate. Umm hell to the YES…Charles, I certainly do. The next few hours is a blur frankly, I was in la la land, at Lowes, (God, I loathe LOWES on a Saturday!) and I arrive home safely and anxiously await the moment when I hang her…my Kinkade, my miracle & dream.  I know my Mom is watching and smiling. #christmasmiracles. <3.  Here is a peek at my prize, and the beautiful Kinkade Christmas Tree my mother gave  me  Thomas Kinkade, winter scene 005                    Enjoy & blessings to you & yours ~ leelee.


approaching the finish line

Good Morning from cloudy New York.  I haven’t seen a flake of snow yet…. Long Island had lots of rain yesterday and today’s forecast is abit chilly at a high of maybe 40.  The week ahead shows up in the 50’s, so hey, I’m not complaining here.  It is time to decorate and get festive for Christmas and more importantly!!!!  (drum roll please!)  The countdown has officially begun! Our Granddaughter will arrive on New Years Eve!  via C section.  It is exciting to know we will meet her in 3 weeks.  I pray the delivery and baby arrive safely and most of all healthy.  They are busy getting there nursery ready and in order for Anna Lisa.  I am trying to be patient and calm till our little one makes her debut!  I finally got my new camera up and running, I can’t wait to play with it and be able to share some beautiful pictures and moments with you. 

I am going to start the holiday baking frenzy. I have a dozen or so delicious cookie recipes I make every year. My daughter is kind enough to help her Mama, and we do it for several weeks and fill dozens of tins and containers of cookies.  I give tins as gifts and also bring a dessert platter to my brother’s for Christmas Eve dinner. It’s a tradition we share, and my husband has quite the sweet tooth himself!

I took advantage of online shopping again this year. I must say, it wasn’t very stressful and I got most of what I wanted.  I hunt for free shipping or a good coupon codes and they deliver right to my door. It’s a good thing, and it saves me lots of time. A win, win hands down.

The nursery is still under way,  it appears, Mike is not super motivated to paint this time around. I suppose with alittle coaxing and nagging, he should get it finished SOON! I can’t wait to show you the pics, it is coming along so cute!  On that note, my readers, it is time to get busy and sort through all the Christmas décor.  It’s a big task, but someone has to decorate around here!  Blessings to all <3 ~ leelee

Babies & Showers and love

235Good Mornin! & brrrr from chilly & brisk New York. The temps have dropped (a lot) and I am running around doing last minute things for our babymama to be Joanna’s baby shower next weekend. Hard to believe, but we are just 7 weeks away from welcoming a new precious baby into our family. I dream of this little one, filling our lives with a love we have never quite felt before. A winter baby, so this Nana bought lots of warm, cozy, soft things for our Anna Lisa. My son and his girl are hosting a fancy restaurant affair for 50 ladies. I bet the little one will have everything she needs and her Mama desires. I have been having a ball, decorating the nursery, making pretty shower favors for the ladies and shopping! (Goodness, I’m out of control now!) Ok, it’s our first, I simply can’t resist! I’ve been planning a “Clothesline” gift theme, and working on that for weeks. It’s adorable and you basically attach 100 outfits, accessories, and what have with clothespins, and slowly unravel it around the entire room, displaying the collection. Fabulous! I’ve attended several showers that did this and it is a hit! I can’t wait to share the pics with you. So, for the last 6 months, I’ve been stashing baby stuff & btw, if stashing is abit like hoarding, then I admit, I’m so There! I’ve enjoyed every moment of it. I’m also proud to say, I have an entire nursery for my Granddaughter. We are still in the process of painting and finishing floors…So, I promise I will reveal the reno -finished baby nursery as soon as the “husband”, gets on the stick….(meh). In the meantime, I’m humming lullabyes, and dreaming of this little baby arriving soon. Thank you Jesus for watching over her mother and my family. I did some cutesy shower favors, lots of Pink and chocolates. Here is a little sneak pic of the favors. I hope you have a peaceful & warm Sunday. I plan on roasting a chubby chicken and meeting a friend for brunch and do some browsing at a craft/art festival in town. Stay warm & cozy ~love, leelee