Namaste they say!

Good Morning and grateful for Friday’s. I set that goal weekly. Just make it through the week leelee. You can do this! I dream of weekend plans and fall festivals and pumpkins and crockpots and soaking in every moment of the transformation of brilliant Autumn. I often drive to work and catch a brilliant maple tree that has turned a glowing orange and my mind photographs the peak foliage and I wish I could play hookie and photograph it all. I’ve learned, it’s the little things that mean something, really.  I know this weekend is jam packed with outdoor festivities. Most importantly, it is my first walk with AFSP, Out of the Darkness walk @ Jones Beach, NY. They expect over 5,000 people to walk! That blew me away. It is the walk to send the message to our world. We have Suicide prevention. It is extremely important to send the message and hopefully, shed awareness and hope to our world. To be honest, I never even thought of this a year ago. Then my brother died from suicide this year, January. My entire world changed, the moment he left this world.  In honor of Thomas, I am volunteering to help, and walking with my survivor support group.  We made a quilt of all our loved ones lost to suicide. Each of us, had a square made and sewn together. The quilt is beautiful and sad all in one.  I walk for Tom, secretly wishing he could have stayed. Loving him in my heart and quietly accepting the reality. None of it has been easy. I have sought support and counseling since he died. It is a journey like no other. Grief, forgiveness, acceptance and healing. The process is quite traumatic. Hope is the rainbow at the end.  So, I give back, I give my time, and my understanding, I connect with other survivor’s and I go on. That is how we do it. One day at a time. So, come walk if you live on Long Island. Field 5. Registration is 9am. The beach, the ocean, and 5000 people all with broken hearts, healing together.  It’s all good. I walk for him, for he was good.

The other day, I was browsing some pinterest stuff. I stumble across “morning mediatation by Candace”. Cute right? So I click. I was curious for awhile. I mean duh…Oprah meditates EVERYDAY…right? They even have shrines and stuff, quiet meditation spots in their homes.  My art therapy group meditates before we create. I kinda liked it. I have been suffering with headaches a lot. Job stress, kid stress, it happens. So, I clicked on the video. Meditation on your Bed….ummm yeah, I can handle that.  I love her sweet voice. I begin. Palms up, get comfy, breath slow. Focus on your breath. Find the rhythm, focus just on breathing.  She says, when you focus on your breathing….it quiets the mind. I continue to meditate, it feels nice. Focusing on tension area’s, sending the oxygen there, exhaling. So good. Then she asks to stretch. HUH? wait? and I look up. It’s Morning Meditation and Yoga! (didn’t see that part) sorry! I’m slightly off balance..ummm I wasn’t ready? But, I go with it.  Breathe. Stretch the arm gently reaching. I am acutely aware of my shoulder cuff injury and left knee injury. What if I begin to stretch those muscles? What if I bring oxygen and flexibility into this horrible pain I have everyday? So I gently begin to stretch. She reminds, it should be gentle,  with very little exertion. I relax and stretch gently. Ahhh, not so bad, ok, I’m doing it.  Stretching of hip bones, torso, spine and neck. Curling up into a ball, stretching the knees, hips, rocking. I’m ok, not afraid now. Wait, this feels good. Like, zen, good.  Namaste? Who knew right. So, I jump in the shower, and I’m thinking….floating really, & proud that I kept it up all week. Totally aware, of how calming it is. Also, noticing, I am not in pain or sore from it. Then the AHA moment happens., Yep.  Leelee, girl… The reason you have boohoo’d Yoga all these decades was because you couldn’t sit or stretch anything. I had no ability, energy or flexibility to move my body. I was obese. Obese people rarely do anything physical, much less “good” for ourselves.  We avoid it, because it hurts and it is awkward. I’m guessing, since I lost the weight, my body just might want to stretch and breathe! When I was obese, I did not dream about curling into a little ball and stretching my hip bones or spine. I could barely hike myself up out of bed. That is the epiphany. I can move now, and it’s good for my body. *ding*  Mind, Body, Soul ~leelee.  I get it.  Epic right? You’re darn right. Because, it’s happening to me, right now.  I must journal about the benefits of health, mental wellness & awareness. I don’t want to forget them or forsake them any longer. Old habits, they can change over time, if you let them. In your time, when you’re ready. Baby steps perhaps, or big leaps like… training for a marathon. The skies are the limit, you are the only person behind the wheel. Just start slow, gently and steer forward.  Wishing you love & peace today ~ leelee