the glimmer of the distant light
Good Morning & happy Friday! blessed are we for a long extended weekend. Much appreciated. It has been a very jam packed stressful week of events. Our new family motto: It just keeps coming. I’m not kidding. I have remained calm, rational, loving and supportive through each crisis. Every loved one, I hold close and dear is suffering. Some, more than others. Truthfully, my brothers suicide has left an aftermath of pain and anguish and deep grief for us all. I was acutely aware over the last several months, how each loved one, friend, child would deal or not deal with a sudden tragic death. I know this road of death. I have travelled it for the last 15 years. I had absolutely no clue, no connection to a suicide, the murder of oneself. God, that hurts. It rips us inside deep. I also knew, some of my siblings would not quite deal with it with a healthy, therapeutic approach. I constantly pray for them. I also pray and remind myself, this is their journey and theirs alone. I however, being a self graduate of individual therapy, an advocate for support groupies, therapists, spiritual guides, whatever it takes to heal to get “better”, I toot that horn a lot lately. It works, It helps, we heal. Bottom line, if you don’t do the work, walk thru the pain, lean into the grief, but, if choose you bury it, & continue to harbor ill feelings, get depressed, hopeless, you can be sure, it will be twice as hard to start healing. It is common to numb, medicate, or soak your brain into silence. A lot of people are afraid to grieve, that can get you into some deep trouble. Today, I won’t get into detail about substance abuse & alcoholism, maybe someday, we can explore that whole shitshow. So, for today, I remain neutral. Quiet in my own journey, in my writing, & my sharing. I built my army of support. I found a new friend and a group for survivors of a loss from a suicide. Today, I thank our Lord, God. When I turned to him, he comforted and guided me. You only need to ask, to pray to him. To TRUST in him. Good stuff, healing the heart, feeding the soul, filling your cup slowly, rebuilding your faith, it’s all a process, the journey to healing. Now, I believe in him.
Before, I jet off to work, I took a few minutes today and booked a quick beach retreat with my brother Michael. We can heal and be close there. Find our peace and our God, it’s all good. I took a stroll this morning in the gardens. Look what my Mom gave me today. She bought me this special Lilac bush on Mother’s day before she died. It has bloomed like the beauty it is. I feel a rush of love and comfort as I clip and inhale their scent. I miss her dearly, always will. #lovinglilacs