Commuting stories (con’t) & the FLU!

Good Morning America! As you all know, I have been in the “underground” sorta speak. I have felt totally disconnected leaving at the crack in the dark, and returning late in the evening…. again, in the dark. I’m getting used to it. Errrrr, well, I have no choice, but to commute in freezing temps and catch a nasty flu, well, lets say, it hasn’t been exactly blissful.  I’m determined, it’s a personal challenge and victory. I’m 1/2 a century old, but certainly not dead yet, this too shall pass. My travels have been an adventure daily, who knew the entire center of the universe teetered on catching the “earlier” train?? A ton of people run, they plow through the crowds, they curse, and rant and everyone is apparently “late”. This week was a basketball game, and a Hockey game, lemme tell you, these events ROCK the core of the commuters. The trains are packed, delayed, they change tracks at the last moment and it literally sends people into a frenzy of STRESS bags. Again, this Island girl, doesn’t see their point, nor do I sympathize with their mental issues. I am never in that “much” of a rush to get to my destination. I get there when I get there….Amen. On Thursday, I begged the “train” people to move in abit so I could squish on the train. They grunted and negated my request and their stone cold NY faces got even uglier. So…I had no choice but to squish, petrified that I would get sucked into the “GAP”, shrugs, they ignored me and scowled at me, holding their precious 2 inches of personal space, staring at their PHONES, never making eye contact for more than a nano second! Well, now I know THIS was a HUGE mistake of mine. I wound up squished and pinned in the corner of the entry ways, contorted and twisted for over an hour. I’m giggling now, but that trip home was really not at all “fun” or adventurous. The next evening, I encountered a professional woman in a window seat, I saw a free seat next to her, so I plopped, exhausted. I hear her moan and groan abit, and scowl under her breath. In 2.2 seconds, she abruptly stands up, whips her coat off the rack above, hastily grabs her extremely large “coach” bag, and proceeds to smash through the sets of 3 peoples legs to escape! I know whats going on here. I know the look of disgust and misery. She doesn’t want to be squished next to me, so I purrrrr softly…Oh are you leaving? She stops while stepping on my suede boots, HELL YEAH! I guess this was one of many encounters with discrimination. I was simply too “fat” for her liking. I am floored by this for several reasons. She being a black woman herself have endured and suffered discrimination in her life. I know how hurtful that must be, disrespectful, bullied even. It was discouraging that she hadn’t learned to be human and kind. To accept one another regardless of their size, race, gender. I prayed for her and sulked about it all for the evening. To each his own, I will never become “that” type of human being. I arrived home last night, with our first “winter” snowfall. Silvery, sparkling snowflakes gently touching our earth. It was peaceful and calm, we stopped for Hot & Spicy soup and came home and decompressed. I made it till 11pm, catching up on my tv shows and had a nice deep sleep. Ahhhh, heaven. Now if I can beat this darn Flu, I am sure I will be able to finish my training, 15 working days to GO! (whose counting right?). You bet your bippy I am, I miss my lil quiet serene country roads and inner sancity and sanity! Today, I will nest, and regroup and make some beautiful meals and enjoy the serenity surrounding me. Love & warm thoughts xxx~ leelee

Hi World…

Good Morning! Beautiful world of bloggers and readers! I have been thinking of you, missing you, silently blogging to you in my head. As you all have read, I started my new job a couple of weeks ago. It’s been a “trip” as they say, I am always up for a “new” experience, a jolt of inspiration, a change in my world, oh Hell! I really needed a job! Lots of bills and expenses to pay pay Pay! So, I took this new position knowing that the training would be in the city. I live about an hour or so from Manhattan. I truly had no idea about the “rat race” the “road rage” or the definition of totally overstressed humans till I started to commute daily. I start my day at 5 (EEEEk)30ish (a.m.) Really? I pull up to my house about 8pm (yes PM…people) and each day I chant I get to eat and sleep and do it all over again tommorrow! I have a totally new found respect for commuters, either via car or mass transit. I tried both, ummm neither one is ideal. I decided to take the train and just relax a titch more. The driving was pretty stressful. Parking was nearly impossible, so I bought a monthly LIRR ticket and a metro card and off I went. A few bumps the first week, basically I was in a whirlwind of lost 95% of the time. I know, I KNOW, I’m a New Yorker, I’m supposed to know the city and boroughs (not), but I was determined to figure it out.  It’s no secret, the city is a maze, if you have a great sense of direction, you’re fine. I don’t, so I admit it! I ask constantly, its reassuring sometimes. I got lost a few times, took the wrong subway line, and just kept my cool and gave myself ample time to get lost and then found. I believe I am starting to get the “hang” of all this hustle and bustle, content that I made the connection and got on the correct train! During all this, I have been blogging in my head, hysterical moments of utter chaos and insanity. I giggle my way through the crowds and temper tantrum grown men, what an experience! I am simply in shock at watching the most professional, miserable, stressed out, abusive and aggressive people that I have encountered daily in my travels. For instance….Noone told ME that you should always “jog” or “run” down escalators and stairs. If you don’t they will smash into you or whip around you. Metro cards, there really is a hidden secret in the “swipe”, I yearn to conquer this, cos you know WHY??? Well, if you happen to not swipe on the first try, you are bound to meet Mr. Ugly behind you. He will HUFF loud, curse louder and get all angry and shit and bolt to the turnstyle next to you and smash through it like he is taking a bullet . (wow). Train jumpers….I describe this best as a pack of Rats going for the golden cheese. The moment the conductor announces the word “dispatcher has requested we wait”. Instantly, I see 100 rats aka commuter’s rise and scurry like rodents on crack off the subway train and race across the platform to run full force into another waiting train. I have clocked this, they sometimes save as much as 1 or 2 or 3 minutes by doing this! (wow) We are all headed to the same destination, again, I find all this comical as I zen out and watch them all frantic and freaked. Lastly, pushers or nudger’s or shover’s. I encounter this mainly in the evening. I am early, patiently waiting for my train to arrive.  Some perch on the edge of platform, my heart races, I see them plunging to their death being hit by an incoming train. The rat pack descends onto the platform, some are “running” to get to the front of train,(position is everything in life!) some are strategically stalking for a 1/2″ inch to nudge in front of you, and some are simply pressing and shoving into your back cos they are like imbeciles, frantic and frankly a tad scary. Again, we are all getting on, all heading in the same direction? I manage to get a coveted seat each day, shrugs, whats their deal? I can’t help but wonder and analyze them. I was told….they actually have their favorite seats! Are you serious? Frankly, I’m just happy, my heel hasn’t gotten caught in the dreaded “gap”, and I am not sucked into the filthy underground! Sheesh! I have reflected on personal peacefulness, personal space,(train seats are really tight, no leg room or space between the seats)I pondered what meds and or blood pressure medications they take, and in the end, is all that “drama” worth it??? I could go on & on, but the bottom line is this. No one smiles, so I do (alot). No one speaks, so…I smile and say good morning or thank you. People have practiced the “I don’t care about nuttin” face so much, it is cemented in 95% of them. Sad, I’d say. So much energy is put into these rituals, I wonder what they have left afterwards. My husband has commuted for 28 years in a row. He has “zen”, he is a music lover and he naps to and fro, good for you honey! Hopefully, he has just a few more years of travel and he can one day relax and not join the rat race daily. I must give a shout out for the weird, sorta could be a serial killer looking starer’s. I feel you, stop staring at me. Oh, the local bums and homeless! I hear you preach, I smell your urine, here’s a dollar, I’m not rich but I commend you for your persistence and consistency in begging! I’m so happy I could share a day in commuting with you today, I hope you enjoyed the show. Stay tuned for more drama and horror in the near future. It’s been a pleasure and an eye opening experience for me. Again lastly, to the hacking, sneezing, snotting NY er’s, Thanks for the horrid upper respiratory infection I woke up with!  Off to the doc I go. Peace Out* for now ~ leelee

Back to the ole grind….

Happy New Year! I hope this finds you all warm and safe. I have totally ENJOYED my time off, watching old movies, connecting with old friends, spending time with the family, good times! We all know all this sparkle and holiday celebrations must end. Waaaaah…Noone really wants to return to the real world! But alas, we must! I finally found a new job that I am excited about starting. I have been searching for months, trying to find a perfect fit for me. A job where I wake up and look forward to the day ahead, I pray I have found it. I start tommorrow 🙂 .  I will keep you posted for sure. I also acknowledge I have started this blog. It was something I thought about, dreamed about, procrastinated about for years. I’ve always journaled, something about the pen and beautiful parchment that gets me inspired to write.  Often I journal with my children in mind. Its sort of an open book, dialogue of my heart and my desires. I want to write down what really matters, I want to teach them always to listen to your heart and don’t ever give up.  Perhaps when they are older, they will become more nostalgic and enjoy my writings. My mother encouraged me to write. She loved reading my entries and poems and letters. I found a darling book she left for me recently. It was a beautiful little book with illustrations and affirmations of a Mother’s love to her daughter. She penned a few memories on the pages, and wrote beautiful words of hope and devoted eternal love for me….I cherish it, like I cherish her.  A woman at church said to me, You don’t know how lucky you are to have a mother like her, who could write and leave you this book to remind you of her eternal love~…Oh I do know, I treasured my mother and our friendship my whole life. Blessings come in many forms, she gave me such support and love, afterall, She was my biggest fan <3.  I believe her devotion and heart is still with me. I pray to her often, I cry to her when I am alone. I can still see and hear her, encouraging me never to give up. Thank you Mom…I miss you always.  I made a short list of priorities for this New Year. Continuing this blog is on it. I will strive to create and pen my heart and desires to all of you.  Writing for me is a release, it has always been a tool to survival for me. It is part of me, the words flow easily and slowly I feel cleansed and renewed.  I am never more my true self, than when I write and allow my heart to overflow. I hope you get “me” or something from me when you read my words, my story….stay warm and loved  ….~leelee