Faith, strength & Life goes on…

Hello BLOG world. I’ve missed you more than you know. I am a great silent blogger these days. I have hundreds of blogs filed in my head. I have 1000’s of pictures of all my adventures, trips and memories. I just don’t have 4000 hours to blog about it.  I dream of hiring someone to just get it done for me. To be my ghost writer/blogger twin. I even hinted as much to my talented graphic design daughter. I think I got a speech AND an eye roll.  So she begrudgingly saved all my pics and asked if I still wanted to keep my website  domain open and renewed (Uh…Hell yes),  and preached to me about her full time job and freelance work. I get it. Everyone is super busy. I however, refuse to become a zombie social media freak. I won’t sit on my phone while I have lunch or dinner with family or friends. I won’t chase a Pokémon cult around town. I won’t post my life on FB or even Insta. I have my reasons right now. I won’t ever close my leelee moments blog. I will just do the best that I can today.  prioritize and to live. I intentionally choose that. I have leelee moments all the time! I just suck alittle at penning them here for you.  Sometimes, I daydream, and I see myself in 10 years being a real true blogger! I guess I aspire to become that.  In the meantime, I have little moments, like today, a quiet, sizzling humid, hot Sunday.  I relish and cherish them so much.

So, over a year ago, I attended a support group locally. It is a non for profit support group, specifically created for survivors of a loss from suicide or loss from a drug overdose.  They have 5 skilled and trained facilitators, specializing in traumatic grief and loss.  It was an 8 week workshop  “Healing through Art Therapy”. Very cool, very safe and comforting after losing my brother Thomas, last January to suicide. The community volunteers each week to cook dinner for every one.  love and compassion. I met a variety of survivors there, and we all formed bonds quickly.  Last evening, 12 of us attended  a wedding reception for 2 members from the support group. It was a beautiful historic victorian in E. Setauket, Long Island. We all gathered to celebrate.  What struck me instantly was everyone was smiling. Genuine and real smiles. There was not a lot of sorrow,  plenty of laughter, dancing, drinks and dinner were enjoyed.  I instantly realized, “Life goes On”…no matter what.  A year and a half ago, that statement would sting me and upset me to the core. I could not connect or feel the joy in celebrations. He was gone, he was the party thrower, he was the center and the glue.  The anchor, my big brother, who did it all, gave his all to everyone was no longer here with us. I grieved. The journey and road is very long and winding. I remember being mentally exhausted. I was grateful to rest and sleep whenever I could.  So, soon it will be 18 months since his death. I still miss him everyday, summer time is particularly painful, he loved it so much.  But, last night was profound. All 12 of us survived a death from a suicide. All 12 of us are breathing, living.  For fuck sake, LIFE does go on. Except, last night, gave me some hope. I saw the smiles and healing. I saw the strength in this group to forge on, even in the worst circumstances. Celebrating a union of marriage was renewing and sweet. We are all able to breathe and accept and find peace, even for a moment. The journey is not easy, but it is so worth it.

Peace & Love to you all