Beauty around me

Good day, Sunday.  Sunday was reserved for worship and family. For as long as I can remember, Sunday, as my parents reminded us, was a day of rest and relaxation. We didn’t attend Mass. My mother wasn’t very social, and preferred to be in her nest with all her little chicks. My father was quite content in his gardens, watching a big game, or playing a good board game with us. Sunday’s always revolved around family time. We could do a project, clean house or do massive yard work. It was a family effort. You had no say in that lol. My mom usually put on a big pot of simmering sauce and meats and meatballs. Some Sunday’s we would have a big roast with all the sides. We never lacked food, after all, us Italians can use a dozen eggs and some vegetables and feed everyone. Often my grandparents would come and spend a few days with us. They also loved to come and spoil us rotten, fill up our fridge and enjoy every moment with us. I have fond memories of my nanny and poppy, they would get a bottle of ammonia, some bleach and go to town. They would scrub the outside patio and hose it down. They would help and cook and do chores. We would all go shopping and pick up clothing and toys and snacks. We were their entire world. All 5 of us, loved and spoiled. My nanny would do 20 loads of wash. I had matching socks for a couple of weeks!  She, my grandmother, adored and spoiled me. We were blessed to be close and when they moved in with us, she was my rock, my mentor, my spiritual guide. I always say, I could never be who I am, the mother, wife, a friend, that I have become, if I didn’t have a Mother who loved me and  made me feel beautiful and special, every single day.  I feel the same about my Grandmother,  I feel fortunate, I feel blessed.

Yesterday, on Long Island was a spectacular, long anticipated, long  awaited spring day. The sky was as clear as crystal, blue as sapphire and a gentle warm breeze and the SUN…so warm. Early in the morning sunlight,  I wandered outside to my gardens and chatted with a friend. It was a beautiful moment of serenity, and peace. I have many statues from my Mom. She loved angels and fairies. I have them all around my yard. I was glancing at the little angel she painted a hideous orangey/gold/blue color! She has a broken wing. I thought, I should get some paint and spruce her up abit, she is looking alil tired.  Beautiful memories flood back into me. She is all around me, her beauty, her love.  A moment later, I look up and notice a butterfly, flutter over my fence. I am taken for a moment. I say to Susan, wait….A black and blue winged butterfly just came in my yard!  It’s APRIL??? I don’t recall them migrating or coming till summer/fall on Long Island?? My butterfly bush isn’t even budding yet? We rejoice and I said, maybe it escaped  from a butterfly exhibit! We laughed and it gently, softly, fluttered away.  When you are grieving, any sign from your loved one, from heaven, is huge. Objects, pictures, memories are all we are left with. All become very important and sacred. For me, I wear jewelry everyday from them, of them, remembering and honoring them. It gives me a sense of being as close as I can physically to them. I was wearing a butterfly pendant for Tom when the butterfly stopped by. Thanks bro. 

My day was beautiful. I spent the day with my daughter and we enjoyed a good long walk. She is full of life and laughter and happy. I am blessed. We decided to head to the ocean and the boardwalk. It was seriously “mint!”  We had a picnic, and walked some more! After a few hours, she tells me… Mom, I’m finally feeling totally “zen”. At that moment, I was feeling that  Zen too!  It was really good.  Ocean breeze, salty air, totally healing, totally holistic, God’s creation. We are realizing the perks in excercize  and fresh air.  This shit really does work!  She has no idea, how healing, how much she is helping me,  pushing me through my grief, lovingly and gently.  We share our heartache, our joy and sorrows. I love her spirit, her depth. A very perceptive child, quick on her feet, I  reminisced with her of how she just stood up one day. She was 10 1/2 months old.  She stood up from a sitting position. She got her balance and she just walked. She didn’t toddle or wobble. She just walked like she was doing it all her life. I was in awe. She will be 25 soon. Where does the time go?  I don’t want to miss a moment. You can never buy back time, you can only move forward and make more memories. My heart is filled with love, the love for a child you secretly wished and prayed for your entire life. I am blessed.

I think we are on to something really good. I live on an Island that is paradise almost 9 months a year. I moved here when I was 1 years old. I hope I can discover the beauty I never used to see, go to every park, ocean, I haven’t discovered.  We got a yearly park/beach pass to push us towards our goal. Find the simplicity. Find the magic. The journey starts within. I’m game, excited and grateful to be healthy enough to do it.


Love & Blessings to you~  Get some fresh air today!




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