I hear the dove….
Good Morning to you! The melting is underway. The ice masses are shrinking. I have seen GRASS people. Yes, the semi-errr green stuff that I have longed to rediscover! It’s true, New York is seriously melting down. The temps are climbing and 50 feels like 80…giggles*. We are silly and easily fooled. I must warn you pre-springer’s that many an Easter Sunday, we would have a snow shower or a few inches when we awoke. So, let’s not count our chickens just yet! I have resumed my daily power walk. I have been longing to do so, my brain telling me to walk and pray and feel the sunlight again. I’ve been told by my doctor’s that I have lacked Vitamin D for awhile now. At first, I was hesitant in taking supplements, vitamins in any extra strength dose, but, I always try and expose myself to the light…in many ways it would appear. A few months ago, I had blood testing, and again, my levels of Vitamin D are low. Today, I read another article stating there is a direct link to diabetes and low levels of vitamin D. Interesting research and findings. In the meantime, I will continue eating supplements and walking in the sunlight. I also read another study that simple sitting on a park bench and absorbing 15 minutes of sunlight may not be effective enough. It went on to state, we need to expose at least 25% of our skin to the sun, not just your face and arms! So…I will soon be stripping off some layers! The sun, I feel its warmth and its vastness and it soothes me.
So what does a girl do when she is awoken at 4am? I don’t know! It wasn’t a personal choice, but once I opened my eyes, that was it. So, I surf the net, grab my inspiration, read my blogs, follow their words, pray. I get up and shower and feel lucky I have super hot water. Old house, cold pipes. I scorch myself and out of nowhere, my father’s favorite song by Gladys Knight plays in my head. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I weep, quietly, letting the hot water drown my tears and buffer my sobs. I miss them, it happens all the time. The longing and grief, it just washes over you, literally brings you to your knee’s. I talk to them and tell them of my sorrow and grief and I have my moment of sadness and then that moment of LOVE washes through me. That my friends, is what grief is. As painful as it is to read, the beauty must be found in it. For grief is the aftermath of loving someone so deeply and profoundly. There is beauty in that statement. Each and everyday, I strive to be better, more grounded, more present in the now. Please continue to pray for my family and my brother’s family too.
I am back at work, busy as a honeybee in a hive! I love my work, it fills me, and challenges me and I have really great managers that love what they do. I am hoping sales are up for the spring! As I was packing to leave yesterday. My house so quiet and serene in the mornings now, I hear a lone dove outside my window. I stop jiggling my keys and listen for a moment. Yes, he is there. Cooing…and calling to me. I stop and listen. That sound is so calm, but I always found it sad, almost desperate & wounded and waiting for his mate. I welcome the dove, I felt it was a sign from him. I felt his sadness. I miss you Tom.
This weekend is my brother’s fundraising event. It will be a day time get together at a local restaurant/pub. I am weary, I am grieving, this is hard. I will support everyone, my family will be attending, but we are private people. We did not plan this event, nor were we consulted. It is for my brother’s wife and children and we will support her completely through it. If this can ease her burdens, so be it. I live each day as it comes now, some days are better than other’s. I’ve learned to go with what it is and knowing it doesn’t last forever or stay the same. Life is funny like that huh? A moment of charity, love, kindness goes such a long way when you are hurting.
I ask for prayers tomorrow for my son. He is going through a rough time and in court fighting for his newborn child. Please pray for strength and clarity and that we all hold on and believe that God will protect us and guide us through this difficult time. I can’t even pen what I feel inside. I will share, that Anna Lisa is the tiny drop of hope that we were blessed with at a very difficult time. I believe in love, therefore, we will see her again, soon. Please pray for our granddaughter.
One more day till Friday, and with the Grace and Love of God, I am getting through it. Love & Peace to you xxxx ~ leelee