The morning comes. It is gentle and silent. I breathe and practice breathing softly. I know what will come. I feel him all around me. I still feel so sad. I received a canvas print yesterday. Tom and his granddaughter Callie. He is on his new boat, at the prime of his weight loss, looking really healthy….August…this past summer. Some days, it feels like yesterday, still. It is still unfathomable, unthinkable to swallow and accept. I pray every single day for peace, clarity and the acceptance to love and move forward, a day at a time. The canvas is magnificent, it is a moment. It’s a memory of our day at the beach. I had many, not enough, never enough moments with him. I miss you Thomas…praying for you.
I had purchased a few Groupon deals for prints and a nifty camera last year. I have yet to explore and delve into that new contraption. I think of it, I look forward to it, anything that brings me joy, I love photography. I follow quite a few on FB, photo’s soothe me and move me, like music. For many years, I have my trusty old SONY digital camera and it works good and it’s compact. What can I say? I’m old school with techy stuff. I’m glad. I like to stare into someone’s eyes not phone. Speaking of ole Blue eyes….Here’s a big ole can of worms and some whoop ass thrown in for ya… Ready? SO…for 33.5 years, I live with the “husband” who NOW/recently…. spends his entire down time on an IPAD. It’s oh 2 years now, and basically, it’s gotten bad, rock bottom bad. I’ve observed from afar..so now he is courting her, dating her, committed to her, dependent on her!, ummm..I’m not done, wait. He carries her to the bathroom, he charges her EVERY single night, errrrrr bottom line. Ms. IPAD has got game. He is busy making “words” with “friends”, ummm, game of pool anyone? How bout some 7 card Poker! I mean, he is his own social media groupie! He reaches out to more strangers than my hand. So, I’m sure I am not “alone” in this…yet, I have never felt so lonely. I’m pretty direct, I do not pretend to dance around the apparent fact. He’s addicted to her, it, the IPAD. The kids and I bought it as a gift sooooo! guilty as charged. Oh…are there any 12 step meetings for wives who lose their man to social media and online gaming. Oh yeah…forgot, he is going to be 57 this coming month. Matured fast as you can tell. OK…I have shared my truth. Any comments? Perhaps, you are thinking to yourself about now…well, leelee, ….at least he is HOME on the IPAD, he is not out getting hammered at a bar! True. 2) at least he isn’t viewing porno? stares….come on girls, we know better. yeah right. 3) At least he’s not.. one of those obsessed sports fan fanatics that trucks all over the USA to see his favorite sport teams. Uhhhh, no. I’m married for 133 years! He stopped bowling 10 years ago! He pays monthly for a Gym membership, but, coincidentally, hasn’t gone since he started dating Ms. IPAD! (2 years now)….Anyway…honest? I would encourage! Cheer him! Go see a damn game! LIVE in the outdoor light! Plus, sporting events are fun, vigorous, they elevate the serotonin Trust me, Lord knows, he needs that! (cranky probably from staring at a 10″ screen a lot) oh and Vitamin D! (or lack thereof) By the way, that fancy APP for Natural Sunlight on the IPAD, it really doesn’t work! He is so so, pale these days! The man needs serious intervention, believe ME, I’ve tried! I am starting to resent her, and I will confront her soon! There you have it. #FedUpWife syndrome. This STRESS, I’ll have you know, causes me to buy more cute summer shoes. Oh well, off I go to my retail therapy appointment. Thankful that I have real “emotional” support from MACYS* and such. It is almost da weekend! Yippee. I have my little sweet niece Callie coming for a town Spring festival. (Elsa will be there!) She is my brother Tom’s granddaughter. The light of his heart. I miss him everyday. She will be 4 soon.
In closing, my friends. We pray daily for peace and healing today. I ask for prayers for my son and our family. May God and his angels watch and protect him. I ask this through Christ our Lord. Thank you for being here, staying here. It’s almost the weekend, I hope you make time for you and have fun. Love & Peace ~leelee