Where darkness hides, light is seen

fire island 2015

Good morning! from oh so chilly Long Island. The temps are going to plummet (love that word) and for reals, we are going to feel the dip. It’s February, I don’t whine much, I sorta expect the CHILL, after all,  this IS winter. I will take a moment to comment and sarcastically acknowledge anyone who lives South of NY. Ummmm… WE GET IT!, Thank You! it’s warmer. Call me in June and tell me again how your face is melting and it is raining for 5 days and the thunderstorms are so severe you can’t plan anything outdoors. Thanks to all of you for your snide remarks and artsy little quotes and pics. Hey at least they’re “cute” if not annoyingly so.  I will remind you that I have the blessing of having 4 beautiful, bountiful seasons on Long Island. This is all I have ever known. I chuckle to myself that as each season changes, I say…this season is my very favorite one! Truth…every single season, month, year, I am grateful, humble that I am blessed to breathe and live in it.  I’ve shared before, I don’t live by the weather forecast, the weather channel or the over hyped, totally embellished weather people who report it. I find it comical, hysterical to watch everyone “panic”. My solution or coping mechanism is I cook, I bake, I organize, I take photos of the purely white flakes. I maximize my snow days and get shit done., winning?. Uhhh, yes. I am also blessed to be able to work from home, remote and fully equipped to run my business from my warm, cozy house.  I guess I have grown accustomed to “it is what it is”. If you can’t change it, accept it. DEAL with it.  Again, it isn’t about what you are dealt with, it is how you deal with it. I feel like this alone could be leelee’s blog mantra. Courage, acceptance, letting go, serenity, peace. I believe all of us internally crave this. Easier said than done. No one can give you what allows us to heal. You must give it to yourself, everyday, through pray and hope and support. Then you must accept it in your soul. The process, the journey is long and tedious at times. I continue to pray, to reach deep into my spirituality and belief that Jesus will lift our family and heal us in time. I acknowledge my sadness, and grief, but I am humble and grateful each day the pain is not searing and burning through my chest anymore. The initial shock of losing your sibling. That unfamiliar world is scary and new. I could feel  the crushing darkness, yet all I could see in my mind was Tom’s brilliant sparkling blue in his eyes. I miss him everyday. The last 7 weeks are a blur, surreal, painful.  I have had sleepless nights and cried to him, for him daily. I busy myself, make mental lists and reach out to his family.  I attend a support group through my church and it’s a safe place to talk, share your pain or your love and start the healing process with support and encouragement. Tonight is a Valentine’s celebration at our group. I’ve attended this before, for my parents. We are asked to bring photographs of our loved ones and share them with our group.  We can share a memory or just talk about them. I will not lie, I dreaded having to go through photo’s. I wasn’t feeling good about opening that visual, didn’t feel I was ready to stare into his eyes. I see him in my mind, that was enough for me. So, I gathered up a few pictures and tucked them in my beach room earlier this week. I am sorta proud I was able to do that. I did it for Thomas. Tonight, I will share my love for him there.

I shared the link for his Memorial Fundraising Website last week. I am not sure it embedded properly. I am posting it again. It is a fundraiser for his wife and his 5 children. If you can donate, Thank you so much for your support and love.



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